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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004935">courageous cowardice</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch/pseuds/BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch'>BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chameleon (Musical)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, No Dialogue, essentially just me spitballing, i didn’t really know what to do but i hope you like it!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:22:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>462</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30004935</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch/pseuds/BuiltUpWithCatsAndTeaToMatch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>chase ponders his decisions at a late night subway.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>courageous cowardice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">there’s certain days, times, places, where nothing feels real.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">with life abuzz, every soul and waking breath a hive of whistling bees, an eccentric trail of nonstop thoughts and emotions, times like these seem to be somewhat... rare.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">especially nowadays, with all that’s going on around chase’s usually boring life, a moment of peace is a genuine diamond in a kids dirt pit.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">and it’s these moments of silence, a small moment, a glimpse of time in which there is nothing, that allows him the time to think.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he wonders, in the low rumbling of an empty, late-night subway car, mostly empty besides an elder woman several seats down, sniffling occasionally, what brought him here.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">was it courage or cowardice, that brought him to sam pretorious? was it bravery that allowed him to step on that set, masked like the devil to the tree, or like most of his emotions, did it route right back to fear? </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">while now, his ability to lie white as snow without batting an eye seemed a gift, he wonders now, in the silence of the moving subway, <em>why</em>.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">sam had been growing... comfy, lately. with these cheat sheets, these ideas of grandeur that boiled down to him yearning for a life off the cameras. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">it almost felt like one of brady’s pranks, except without the animals, and he still stands, awaiting an at least somewhat funny punchline.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">but, as he continues to wait, he wonders if he <em>wants</em> a punchline.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">does he <em>want</em> to return to his life? does he want the stage? </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">neither seem all that appealing, just different tastes of the same poison. a book written only slightly different, but with wildly opposing covers.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">... what <em>does</em> he want?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">is it worth it, to follow sam’s sheets? is it worth the web of lies he’s weaved around himself, tying himself to the sins of his bleeding sky?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">it all leads back, he guesses, to fear.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">fear of people judging him for his issues. fear of being found out. fear of his lies being brought to light.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">it’s the fear, he muses, the fear of falling back, when he’s already gone so far.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">the fear, that wards sam deeper into his own life. the fear of judgment, betrayal, scorn, that has him fading away, glitching away onto a stage of lights and paparazzi cameras.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">what <em>does</em> he want?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">the subway stops, and he stands up.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">life buzzes back to life, a thousand new thoughts and emotions to feel.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he doesn’t sigh, doesn’t make a sound.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he simply leaves, footsteps echoing in the near silence of the station.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">he steps off. cold cement greets him like an old friend.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">the subway waits three seconds. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">drives off with another low rumble.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">it’s time to go back to set.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hhh i didn’t really know what to do for this but i hope it’s good enough!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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